No. Not to YOU. I was talking about the Japanese movie Boku no Hatsukoi Kimi wo Sasagu, which translates to I give my first love to you.

I first saw the movie in about April/June/July-ish. I remember it was after a school day when all the clubs had to sell stuff to us, and we all went out of the school early to my friend's house to practice for our English aural test. We did practice, but basically we watched more tv than we did any practice. One of the movies we watched was this one.

I didn't get to finish watching it 'cause my mother came by then, but I did remember the title of the movie, because, well, it was eye-catching. Normally I have no interest in tear-jerking stories about romance and death, but then I dunno, this just sort of caught my interest. I didn't want it until today, and when I did, I didn't cry.

Huh. I was expecting I'd cry, actually, but I didn't. The front par of it was boring for me, actually, since it was just Takuma and Mayu (the main characters) in the hospital, but around the time they were in high school, I really got pulled in. The acting was great, and the story was lively, funny, even, and at the end, well, it was really sad. My friend bet me I'd cry, and I didn't *looks proud of herself* but in reality, I really felt for the characters. I mean, everything seems so innocent, with all the careful moments, and everything, but some would probably call it a cliche. I haven't watched enough of these to tell what qualifies as a cliche, but I have to say I enjoyed it.

Bored me + procrastinating me = watching movies.

And NOW I have to say I'm becoming addicted to instrumental songs. And Akiko Shikata. AKIKO SHIKATA. Oh, her voice is totally otherworldly. Go. Listen. To. It. Grrrr....

Meh. It's like I'm turning this into an art blog...

When I learnt that I won a bronze award in the Commonwealth Essay Competition, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. It's like what a friend of mine said, "Once you've achieved what you think is the best result, you'll want to achieve it again, and when you don't, you just think you're not worthy of it."

I find this to be true. Sometimes, I push at myself too hard until I mess everything up, like my most recent Geography test. It's going to literally determine my fate for next year's classes, and I think I've flunked it badly. Most of the time now I do anything to just distract myself from thinking depressing things and killing of my brain cells with anger. I run Windows Media Player and put a song on replay. Like... depressing music.

First, there was If I Die Young, and then Bring on the Wonder, and then No Envy, No Fear, and some others. Currently it happens to be Skully's She Moves Through The Fair.

One thing I noticed: people usually die in Irish folk songs.

There are a lot of things that can happen unexpectedly. Like there was once, when I was 9, my Maths teacher died. The substitute teacher was horrible, and I hated her deeply. I missed my Maths teacher, and... she gave me a lot of priceless things. Now I almost can't remember how her handwriting looks like. I mean, it's been years.

If I flunk that Geography test, and if my other subjects don't match up properly, I can safely say that my life is over.

Maybe not over over, but I'll have to drop out of the class I'm currently in. Funny how reluctant I was to enter that class, and now I don't want to leave it. I don't have many friends in the other classes, and I guess I'm just too much of a loner.

By the way, the post title is part of the lyrics for "She Moves Through The Fair."

Something about me that changed since last year was the fact that I've stopped drawing so much. Last year, due to the influence of a friend, I drew a lot during class (yes, when I should have been listening). I drew all sorts of things. Eyes, meaningless scribbles, book cover fan-art thingy, anime characters, dresses, landscapes. Pencil, watercolours, coloured pencils - I used anything I could get my hands on. Even marker pens and chalk.

This year, I felt I've grown a lot in art. I'm fiddling with Photoshop, and now I'm better at it. But recently I just drew something from my imagination that made me really proud.

I owe the title - Paloma - to a friend of mine. It's Spanish for "dove", and seeing this really does remind me of a bird. Ignore the etxt at the bottom. Somehow I just really like to add the title of the work in with Photoshop. Just... please tell me it looks like a leaf.

Maybe I'll post some of my other - probably pathetic - drawings up.

Now that's the Spain part. The Strain part, now...

Exams are coming.

Exams + unwillingness to study + Bones addiction + writing junkie = strain. (Hey! My Maths improved!)

Anyway, I discovered that drawing really calms me down. To see my hand move across the paper and the shapes slowly start to make sense - it's as good as rereading the favourite part of a book. I love seeing the images I dream up in my mind come on paper. But the problem is that I can only draw when I have that "drawy feeling". But recently, my friends have been bombarding me with requests to draw anime characters, hence the other strain...

Now I can't get the lyrics from If I Die Young out of my head. Wouldn't it be funny if I actually wrote those words out when I had to write an essay for the exam?

Then again, maybe not.

Yes. I'm talking about Wither by Lauren DeStefano.

It happens to be one of the most lyrical, poetic books I've read with an original storyline. Seriously, while I read it made my eyes wide. I finished it in a couple of hours (much to the dismay of my mother). She thinks I read faster than she has the time to take me to the bookstore (which is probably true).

The most interesting thing about the book - to me - was the fact that in the story, men lived to 25 and women to 20. You hear about viruses that kill you off in five days (watch Hong Kong historical dramas), or cancer that gives you a year left to live (read Ways to Live Forever by Sally Nicholls), but this is the first time I've heard something so different.

So I, like a bazillion other readers, am waiting (probably impatiently) for the next book, Fever. So... haha... I'm actually posting this incredible long-winded (but TRUE) post because of a giveaway hosted by Lauren DeStefano - a giveaway of proof jackets of Fever's cover. Needless to say, Wither has one of the best, most breathtaking covers I've ever seen. Evermore by Alyson Noel was another one with a stunning cover, but I think I like Wither more.

Read about the giveaway here.

Ah. I probably won't win. I'm just bored. Incredibly bored. And I happen to like books, so...

Yes. I can see no one follows my reasoning.

I do, actually. Don't mind me. I'm just quoting Dr Temperance Brennan from Bones. Currently I'm embarking on an overambitious quest to finish the entire TV show, and, by the way, the only TV series I've watched with genuine interest are Dollhouse, several Korean dramas and The Vampire Diaries. But I'm actually holding out pretty good this time. I'm up to season 4 already. Watch it. Really

Maybe a lot of people think I just like to read and write. That's not true, though. I'm a movie addict. Seriously. Though I'm very picky and weird about what I watch. And what I listen to, as well. Honestly, don't you think most of the teenagers nowadays watched movies (educational CDs) before they started learning how to read? I know I did that.

And who says I'm afraid of technology? I can Photoshop. I'm messing with vector graphics at the moment. I can format a memory card (which I just did). And I'm blogging (procrastinating).

Right. I should get to the point.

I watched Red Riding Hood recently, and, again, I don't understand the negative reviews. It was a great movie for me, although some of the music was too modern for my taste, but it was great nonetheless. If you like gothic movies and mystery and uh... whodunit... you should definitely give it a try. I'm not a fan of werewolves, but I was pulled in. The whole atmosphere of the movie was so intriguing and compelling - you'll understand when you see it.




See? Even the poster made me want to watch it (This is my favourite among all the ones released).

Yes. I know I'm weird. I have a weird taste in music as well.

Ah. Another song I'm nuts about - If I Die Young by The Band Perry. Read the lyrics. Honestly.

Gather up your tears, keep them in your pocket,
Save it for a time when you're really gonna need them.

Yeah. I should live by that rule... but then I'd need a waterproof pocket, wouldn't I?

I'm inspired. I've never been one to listen to loads of music, but when I was doing some homework my friend mention Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway. I've actually heard the song before, but I was probably too young to discern the lyrics form the music. So now I think I'm addicted to it.

So the first part is:

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
Make a wish, take a chance
Make a change, and break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and break away

It's very inspirational, don't you think? It's something I can relate to. Something else, as in Britney Spears' My Prerogative:

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need permission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative
That's my prerogative

So, what I'm trying to say is = I feel rebellious.
Oh, and that picture on top? The "Breakaway" thing? It was supposed to be for a school project. A competition, really. I Photoshopped it. Entirely. Ugh. I wasted 5 hours on it.

All right. Maybe I hate Photoshop.

Maybe not. All my covers for Promised were made there. Still, it's the most frustrating computer software that I've seen, and I think I'm going to try out Inkscape or Paint Tool SAI soon.

Yeah. This time it's a like/hate relationship with a computer software.

Okay. I made the first two major changes in Promised. Yay! I'm not so afraid of that MS Word document any more!

Right now I'm going to stop looking at Promised, and focus on writing something else. Then after some time I'm going to go back and see what I'll do about the manuscript. I'm trying to get an outsider-type of view on it, as in I'm trying to read Promised like a normal reader. Which is not easy.

Still, I've recently become addicted to The Mortal Instruments and The Infernal Devices. Why did I not read them sooner? If you haven't read them, you simply have to! The storyline, the characters, everything is wonderful! And I've just finished Holly Black's Tithe, and I'm still confused about it. Ah. It's the holidays, which means that I'm going to indulge myself and read. I've already read... four books already. Meh. I still have about a week before school reopens.

So the project I'm currently writing is Heiress. Science-fiction/dystopia. Something new, anyway. I'll post more about it later, probably. I'm a procrastinator, yeah.

Ugh. I wonder if I'll ever be good enough for publishing...

Yeah. Who feels grumpy?

I know editing isn't going to be easy, but now it's officially killing me. I don't know what to write, and what changes I should make. It's almost as though I'm afraid of changing it.

Yeah. I'm actually afraid of a Microsoft Office Word Document.

Still, I edit. Still editing. Nowhere near done. The manuscript is never going to be perfect, and I don't mean for it to be either. Ugh. I feel as though the entire freaking concept is childish and the characters are underdeveloped. It's like I'm not doing enough. Not enough plot development, or character personality, or that historical feel that I've very obviously failed to achieve.

Note to self: Things that sound good in your head don't necessarily mean they're actually good.

So what do I do? I don't delete, I don't add, and I don't criticize. I reread the whole thing. I'm not happy with it, but I don't hate it, either.

Wow. I'm actually having a love/hate relationship with a Microsoft Office Word Document.

And then there's real life. As in "No sylphs + Exams = Real life." It interrupts me, and affects my mood. When I'm not in a good mood I can't write.

So, basically, I'm just trying to say that I'm grumpy.

Whew! I'm fighting the urge to scream and shout like a small child given a pack of sweets. I finally finished Promised! Last night, which was April 29 2011, at 11:47 p.m. according to my computer. Yay! I'll remember this day forever!

I started writing it somewhere around the end November 2010, and I constantly suffered from interruptions and distractions, and lack of inspiration. I was interrupted by school exams, homework, and extra-curricular activities, which always made me grumpy to no end. I was distracted by anime/manga/manwha. Bleach, Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama!, Pandora Hearts, The Bride of the Water God, etc. etc. And then there's all those phone calls from my anime-crazy friend... They were distractions, so they don't make me grumpy, haha.

Ask any of my friends. If I don't write for several days, I get all moody and depressed, like the world's about to end. And irritable. And grumpy...

Now I think it's overly long. My original goal was 100000 words, but that somehow got extended to 108000 words, but now the word count is approximately 109125 ... Right. I should stop. I should start editing...

I find that there are a lot of genres out there to write about.

Personally, I've only tried historical fiction, contemporary fiction, fantasy, paranormal romance, and maybe mystery. I've never really ventured into science fiction/dystopian before, except for that short story I wrote for the Commonwealth Essay Competition in 2010. It was called The Mad Scientist and was mostly inspired by the Joss Whedon television series Dollhouse. Sadly, it ended with just two seasons. It was the first science fiction series that I ever saw that I truly enjoyed.

As for books, I do have some sci-fi ones. There's A Tale Of Time City by Diana Wynne Jones, which is the first Diana Wynne Jones book I ever picked up. And then there's the Skinned Trilogy by Robin Wasserman. And finally, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins! I'd only finished it recently, and I'm still kicking myself for not reading it sooner. I'm possibly dying to get my hands on I Am Number Four, though I can't seem to find a copy anywhere ...

Hmm, I can't believe it. I'm writing historical fiction, as in the past, and yet I hate history, and I've never read anything of the sort before, unless you count The Secret Garden, which I read when I was eight out of sheer boredom, and I've loved it ever since. Other than that, I usually can't stand classics. I read 20 pages of Jane Eyre because - yes - I had nothing better to do. A copy of Les Misetables was given to me as a gift, so I read that just to be polite. 100 pages. Most of it was pretty boring, for me, at least. I found it long-winded. Oh, well ...

Paranormal romance. That's not a bad genre, actually. I love the L. J. Smith books, and The Hollow Trilogy by Jessica Verday. There's also Dark Secrets by Elizabeth Chandler, and numerous others that I've read. For me, paranormal romance is sort of like a mix between fantasy/paranormal, romance, and general fiction. Contemporary fiction is something I hardle ever touch, and what I've read include To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee and Ways To Live Forever by Sally Nicholls. Hmm, maybe I'll write something from that genre soon ...

Now ... Fantasy. J.K. Rowling, Neil Gaiman, and Diana Wynne Jones. Their books are all awesome. Gaiman's Stardust is one of my favourites, and so is Fire and Hemlock by Diana Wynne Jones. Who doesn't love Harry Potter? I like the idea of a fantasy world, because there are no restrictions. Not in fantasy, and not in sci-fi. You can have dinosaurs prowling the world if you want.

But historical fiction, however, is confining ... There aren't any modern inventions to help you out of tight situations. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know why I chose to set Promised in historical times ...

I'm so glad! Promised is almost done. I only have about ... maybe 3 chapters (or less) to go, and who knows how much the word count will be? I'm very pleased that I can actually write this much, and as of today I have forgotten how, exactly, I came up with the idea of Promised. I'd love to remember it, though, but I did draw a picture of a sylph sometime last year in my notepad.

Since I've been getting this question very frequently, I'm going to explain it here:
Q: What is a sylph?
A: Sylph (also called sylphid) is a mythological creature in the Western tradition. The term originates in Paracelsus, who describes sylphs as invisible beings of the air, his elementals of air. There is no known substantial mythos associated with them. (From Wikipedia.)

If you're going to ask me how I learned about sylphs, then that would be futile, because I don't remember. I learn all sorts of things without remembering them. That's it. I really do have my head in the clouds, don't I?